In this chapter, I changed Serkoi to Sorkoi throughout. Serkoi is Brigadier (General) and Sorkoi is Colonel. In his English, Alex used Colonel, which is more appropriate for the commander of a regiment. He had used Sorkoi in the first part for Colonel Horski.

I sei snible ri papre jio le bicfregoi {/ga}vizmao pei| sei, e gantanmao le ruarsticko.
This is a rather problem sentence. Firstly, a ga has been omitted. Then, if no comma is placed between pei and sei, it will be heard as peisei, an acronym or anaphora. If a comma is there, it closes the jio clause, and does not parse. A solution we have used is to place a vertical bar, representing a glottal stop between pei and sei, shorter than a real pause. Other solutions would be to attach the places with je and jue , or to repeat one of the descriptors. I have chosen to use vizmao je pei jue sei. In general, JCB did not approve of je and jue to attach places to a main predicate. The method we preferred was based on different stress, which awaits a resolver LIP.
tovkua : tovru-kuvga : K covers the top of B (ie perhaps just 'kuvga' means that the whole wall is covered, sides and all)
nalpeatirca : naldi-penta-tirca : barbed wire (/ nidlytirca /)
caldaohou : tcali-darto-holdu : gateway
rishansanduo : rispe-hanco-sanpa-durzo : K (military) salute B
gantanmmao : ganta-trana-madzo : K lifts pivoting barrier B - or similar movement.
norlincli : no-clina-clika : not straight; winding
folcurtca : forli-curca-tcaro : B is an armored car of forces F (or ? kadtca )
tcasto : tcaro stolo : vehicle B is parked at location N

damneakaa : tovru-nedza-kamla : K disembark/dismount/get off/ from vehicle B (cf tovneagoi)
radsea : rande-setfa : B surrounds B

I mi neri genza vizka levi {fei/folhaa}.
An anaphora cannot be qualified with a descriptor.

bacfundi : balci-fundi : K is fond of building B
cutpinti : B is an amount of watercolor paint
fuacli : fumna-clika : G is more feminine, womanly than J is (cf meucli)
Alex wrote femcli (femdi clika) in the text, but fuacli in the footnote, I presume by analogy with meucli (mrenu clika) which could have been mencli (mendi clika)
bunclafo : bunbo-clafo : K giggles
tencue : tenri-cutse : K adds words V to conversation N
jurlei : ju-letci : N is a condition for permitting act D by person V where permission is granted by K

I mi spopa lepo {tu tora/tu ji tora}fa natmiatci kii mi na {le/levi}natpaspai.
Alex had written tu tora, which is ungrammatical. tuu could have included all present, which would have included Captain Ranak. letu tora would parse, but your twosome of what? You, that are a couple seems to do the trick, treating the pair as a singular you. Likewise , in the evening takes a place specifying the particular evening. It is best to make it clear that the coming evening is intended.

La Terkoi Ranak {/ga}fregoi miu viu ro krokru {e/ce}tirsei.
I think Alex' intention was to specify many of both corridors and staircases, With e the ro applies only to the corridors. Ga as usual between an uncommaed name and its predicate.

Ibuo pa ta, Kai pa kamda vi la Espanias, na le {Ema/spano}poldorja.
The current LIP cannot correctly split leEma, so I have substituted the adjective for spanish, which is probably preferable anyway.

poldorja : N is a civil war between factions K and K over issue V. (LOD dorja : K is at war with K over V) Id like to see dorja = N is a war between K and K over V, and dormao as to make war

Io tu jupni lepo Kai {melylao lio sasoninei/nirne lio sasoni}euia? Ifeu Kai {melylao lio votenei/nirne lio vote}.
Using the preferred dimensioned quantity usage.

I la Frederf {/ga}hebsensi dislu lo {nurtreci/treci}herba ze tricu la BeibiDjien, ice la Huvr {/ga}lepsu janto, lia lepo nu kusmo Hai.
I do not understand nurtreci in this sentence. it modifies the plants and trees,, which I do not believe are interested, but rather, they are interesting.

Mi spopa lepo letu fu spadui ga komfu {/guo}, hue Kai, ice tu napa sifdui raba ji nu cnida tu.

plurea : pluci-retca : V is a pleasant change from N for D

I Cai djadou mi lepo ne le notbi bicfregoi papa djori la pebspubilca je la Inglynd, ice ne mebei papa kamda kii lo ruski bilca vi la Afganistan, ice ne mebei papa kamda vi la Afganistan sui, {ibuo papa djori/buo kii}le afgane paigru.
I could not get this to parse correctly with any version which had a clause, as using ibuo closed off the previous lepo and left the clause dangling. A phrase with kii can serve the same purpose.